| More Jokes just for you |
| There was a little girl who went over to the construction site near her house to watch the men work. Well after awhile the men kind of adopted the little girl as their mascot and even gave her odd jobs around the site to do. At the end of the week the men put a dollar in an envelope and presented the little girl with 'her first paycheck'. The little girl was so exited that she ran straight home and showed it to her mother. The mother suggested to the little girl that they take the money to the bank and start a savings account. So the next day they went to the bank and retold the story of the little girls new job and her 'first paycheck' to the tellers. Well the tellers were very impressed , and they asked the little girl if she was going back to work on the following Monday. The little girl replied' yes if the son of a bitches at the lumber yard brings us some drywall thats worth a shit. |
| A Heartwarming Story |
| Stranded |
| There were two guys stranded on a boat in the middle of the ocean when a lamp floats by and one of the guys picks it up. He thinks 'what the hell' and rubs the lamp.All of a sudden a genie pops out and offers to grant them one wish. Without even thinking one of the guys spurts out " I want the whole ocean to be made of the finest beer in the world" Poof the whole ocean is made of the worlds finest beer. The other guy stays " Nice going sherlock, now we have to piss in the boat!" |
| Little old Ladies |
| This man was looking at himself in the mirror one day and noticing how big and muscular and tan he was. But one thing kept bothering him, His pecker was so pale. So he decided to do something about it and he went to the beach and covered himself all over with sand, except for his penis which he left uncovered so the sun would shine on it. These two little old ladies came walking by and noticed this penis sticking up out of the sand and one of the ladies said" Well, when I was 20 I wondered about it, when I was 30 I wanted it, when I was 40 I asked for it, when I was 50 I begged for it, when I was 60 I prayed for it, when I was 70 I payed for it, and now the damn things are growing wild and I can't even squat!!!!! |
| The Bear |
| There were two guys running from a bear in the woods. One of the guys yells to the other guy "Hey what ate we gonna do? We'll never outrun this bear!" The other guy yells back to him "What are you talkin about? All I've gotta outrun is you!" |
| Did you know that in florida they are making bikinis made out of seashells? And if you go to Florida and you see a woman wearing a bikini made out of seashells, and you hold her up to your ear , you can hear her scream, I thought I'd hear the ocean, but not over her loud mouth. She was a wiggler.! |
| Blonde Joke |
| if a blonde throws a pin at you, what do you do? Run cause shes got a grenade in her mouth. |
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| There was a man in church one sunday morning confessing his sins. He said "I've committed adultry!" The preacher said, "Tell it all brother, tell it all!" The man said "I've lied to my friends!" The preacher said "Tell it all brother, tell it all!" The man said When I was nine years old I had sex with my grandaddy's mule!" The preacher said " Damn if I'd told that" |
| Pickin up potatoes |
| There was a man in church one day confessing his sins. He said "Preacher , me and my wife have only had sex nine times and we have nine kids. We've only ever had sex to have a child, but the other day she was bent over to pick up a bag of potatoes and I just couldn"t help myself. You ain't gonna kick us out of the church are you?" The preacher said "Well no, why would I do that?" The man said " They kicked us out of the grocery store." |